Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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