my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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