Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
