Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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