I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
