____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Buhtt sex?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
