he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You ate ashes out of my bong
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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