All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize