dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
