Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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