Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.