So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.