I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.