I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
