hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
