I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
