I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize