I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize