awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
