I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize