just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
