after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
