I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
