Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
