Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
