I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
