I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
