guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize