feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
