is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
