I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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