So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
