so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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