She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
