This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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