Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
