I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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