i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
