There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
