She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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