I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
