I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
