At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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