If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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