Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
