just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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