I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
