i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
