apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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