the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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