I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
