I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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