your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
