the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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