never play flip cup with pint glasses
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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