I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize