the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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