We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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