I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
