I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
