I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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