Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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