I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
