help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
