i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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