bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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