so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
