just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
