she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
