I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Less talking, more tequila
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
