Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
