Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
