I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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